[Video+Action, post moon-warp]

[wereperrito]

Hello all!

This is Jack, from my little nook in the convoy where I make and repair clothes.

[He smiles at the camera, showing off the fluffy little fox ears he is now sporting instead of regular ears, and the white streaks in his blue-gray hair, then turns his radio device around to show the little shop. It is, frankly, less like a shop and more like a workspace, with fabric in cabinets on the walls and a pair of tables and some chairs, with more fabric strewn across them, some in good condition and some in less-good condition.]

I just wanted all of our new people to know that if the moon warp ruined your clothes, I can probably help. I have mostly figured out trousers, I think, and I am still working on proper shirts, though I can make, um, cloaks and drapes and things.

[He sets the camera down on one of the tables, and sits down to face it.]

I did want to, er, also tell everyone something else. I know we are all... changing. Into something we might call monsters, some of us. I just wanted to say I was a monster before I came here. Not a-- not a bad person, no, not a cruel person, but a werewolf. I turn into a beast once a month on the full moon, like moon warps here.

So. So I just wanted everyone to know, I have done this before. This changing, this becoming something else for a time. I don't know if it will help anyone, but if it can-- I wanted everyone to know.

[He has "come out" piecemeal to various people, here and there, and it's gone well. But now he's doing it to everyone, to people he's never talked to. It's a little scary, but he's doing it.

And now that he's done it, he hesitates, then fumbles for the radio to turn it off without further comment.

He will be available in his shop most evenings, for people to come by to get clothing repaired or measured for, or for people to ask questions, and of course he's around the convoy or in his van during the day when they're on the move.]

Comments

[bufudine]

Serph nods. He isn't the most expressive person at the best of times, his thoughts and feelings often obscured by a lack of facial reaction. But his usually steady gaze glances away as he murmurs, "Or I drive either of you away. We become enemies."

An irreparable rift forming.

With a frown, he raises a hand to touch his head as though he has a headache. "I don't clearly remember my life before. But there were people who knew. And I think... I killed my friends."

[wereperrito]

Okay. Okay, Jack can see how someone with patchy memories of another life might worry about a repeat event. First things first: comfort. He picks himself up and this time does approach Serph. "Come here. I'm going to hug you, before I try to talk about that. Okay?" And he holds up both hands, a clear invitation for Serph to let him wrap him up as much as he can, being smaller and less winged.

[bufudine]

...A hug sounds nice, actually.

Quietly, Serph lets out a long breath he didn't even know he was holding before silently nodding and standing. When he wraps his arms around Jack, it's tentative, lacking the assuredness that so often characterised his hugs in the past. But his wings do curl around him too, cocooning them both.

[wereperrito]

It's not tentative on Jack's part. It's warm and tight, without a moment of hesitation-- though he does relax a hair when Serph adds his wings to the mix. That's familiar and reassuring.

He strokes the back of Serph's neck with one hand, as much comfort as his usual restless need for motion, and says, "I don't believe you would kill us. You care about us and I have seen that stop even the werewolf before. And even if you tried, I have gotten very, very good at dodging being attacked." So much so that he's been wondering if it's related to the fox stuff. He was agile before, but not like this.

"So that is one thing I do not want you to worry about," he finishes. "Okay? We will talk about the rest, but try not to hold that fear in your head."

[bufudine]

It's still strange, being on the receiving end of comfort. It's neither something he particularly sought before nor was it something he felt necessary for himself. But the awareness of just how many he's lost and how, in this new life, he isn't needed in the same way he once was... the reasons for closing off seem so faintly distant, rendered irrelevant.

The problem is... he knows, definitively, that caring about someone isn't enough to stop him from killing them. He might have held back against Heat and refused to fight him, time and time again, but he's tasted the blood and bone of his allies. He's hunted people since the beginning of his memory. He knows that if he truly wanted to hunt Jack... he would take advantage of Jack's fondness and never give him the chance to realise what was happening. That the thought comes to him so clearly fills him with disgust.

And during the Moon Warp he'd lost all sense, completely sinking deep into pure impulse and instinct without question, leading to the wolf running amok while he had been distracted tearing into John. John, who hadn't been as fragile as he'd thought all this time. John, who would have killed him if he hadn't breathed back life into him.

It's clear to him that his judgement is clouded. Maybe his friends, no, comrades, are more capable than he thought. Can he accept what Jack's offering?

It takes a long time for Serph to respond but eventually he silently nods, the movement easily felt. But he has to make Jack understand; he has to devour to keep control, but even though Jack can't control the wolf... "Varuna isn't like the wolf," he murmurs, tightening his grip on Jack. "A rampaging demon devours all. Friend or foe, it doesn't matter."

[wereperrito]

"Then we will come up with plans," Jack assures him. "Contingencies, things to prepare for the worst situation, just in case. Like we do for the wolf." They ought to make some of those anyhow, if just to prevent whatever happened last time.

He gives Serph a last little squeeze, then steps back, sliding a hand down his arm to take Serph's hand instead. "Come sit with me. I want to hear more about why you feel this is inevitable. It sounds a little confusing to me."

[bufudine]

Contingencies, huh?

When Jack steps back, Serph also unfurls his wings and folds them back behind him. He doesn't pull his hand away, but he nods as he sits with Jack. Where ought he begin...?

"Things have been confusing ever since we gained our demons," he murmurs, a wry smile curling the corner of his mouth. "I don't know exactly what I did five years ago." I, the dead human he once was. "The true answers are lost to me."

Not just because he's here.

[wereperrito]

"So you were a human five years ago when something bad happened to someone you cared about, someone who was one of three... and then you were the emotionless person, and then you got your emotions with the demons, and remembered pieces of the human time," Jack outlines, mostly just to keep it straight for himself. He keeps Serph's hand as he settles back in his chair, resting their joined hands on his own knee and idly moving his thumb over the back of Serph's as he thinks. "How did you go from human to emotionless person? Do you know?"

[bufudine]

Serph watches Jack thumb the back of his hand, the movement giving rise to that strange feeling of being hungry. His own voice feels oddly distant as he responds, distracted.

"I died." They all had, supposedly. Serph frowns, thinking about the terrified scientists who he questioned. "No, killed. Somehow, I was a demon. But the demon virus didn't exist yet."

He curls his fingers more tightly around Jack's hand, lifting his gaze back to Jack's face.

"I am an AI. An artificial being created to inhabit a virtual world. I don't know why I was made in the image of the human." Cielo's quiet observation floats back to the forefront of his mind. We still don't know if we're dead, or if we were never real to begin with. "I didn't have the chance to ask my creator the truth of our origins."

[wereperrito]

"There are many different meanings of the word demon," Jack allows, though he has to admit he has a hard time seeing the man (being, AI-person) before him as a demon in the more evil sense of the word. He might hunt and fight, but he does so to protect, and he's always seemed to prefer gentleness. "But... that must be very confusing. Not knowing where you came from, only remembering bits and pieces. You did meet your creator, though?"

[bufudine]

Demon doesn't carry the same sort of connotation in Serph's mind, for even transformations that are named and appear to be angelic are still demons, creatures of unending hunger, born of humanity.

Serph nods; confusing is certainly one way of putting it. And that confusion had only grown as they found more pieces of the puzzle but were unable to quite understand how they fit together.

"She came to help us. But she forgot who she was when she entered our world." Serph's gaze slides down to their joined hands, the smallest of smiles curling at the corner of his mouth, fondness tinting his words. "I was drawn to her. So was one of my officers. She couldn't fight, so we wanted to protect her."

For reasons beyond the fact she was a stated requirement for entry into Nirvana.

[wereperrito]

Jack can see this repetition again, even if the smile suggests it might not have ended as badly. "Was... that another three where someone died?" he still has to ask tentative. The other officer, him, and their creator. "Or did that one turn out better?"

[bufudine]

The answer to the question is immediately obvious before Serph replies; the small smile fades, crestfallen.

"My officer was shown what had happened before. He turned against us. Against me." He tenses. "I... allowed him to kill me."

[wereperrito]

Oh dear. Apparently it was in fact just as bad. He gives Serph's hand a little squeeze in sympathy, covering it with his other as well. It sounds terrible that someone would simply let someone else kill them, but-- well, if you thought they had a good reason...

There is not a good reason Jack can think of that would make him want to kill Serph, so he says, "That is one thing I can promise you I am not going to do. Okay? I do not kill people." A quick pause, then, "Well, the werewolf might try, but not because of anything like this. Did he not even tell you why? Your officer?" That doesn't seem very fair.

[bufudine]

What is it like to know you would not kill of your own volition, no matter the reason? He can't grasp what that kind of life is like.

Serph shakes his head. No, Heat hadn't told him why. But, "I can guess."

Serph had said he thought he'd killed his friends. In truth, it's a bit more than just merely killing.

"I think... I devoured my comrades when we were human. Including him." His wings tense with his shoulders as he speaks with an unusually agitated cadence. "Heat is his name. He's the most protective of Sera, our creator. Whatever he was shown, he must believe I was going to hurt her. Maybe I had, back then. I don't know, but I wouldn't-"

Serph cuts himself off before emotions get the better of him, letting out a long breath as he calms down.

"Whatever happened before, we're comrades." Even if Heat doesn't believe him worthy of that title any more.

[wereperrito]

Jack pets his hand soothingly. If they weren't sitting, he'd probably have already hugged him again, but right now it's just awkward to try. "Sometimes we do things in our pasts that we are not proud of," he says. "For reasons that no longer apply to us. Even I have done things, not just things that the wolf has done, but things I decided to do that were not good things." He looks up at Serph's face, expression fond but also determined. "But Serph. That does not mean we cannot try to be better than what we have done before. To choose different things, better and braver things. I believe that you would choose a different thing, now, than as that human you were before."

[bufudine]

Serph remains silent for a long moment, letting Jack's words wash over him. He had already long decided to do better after his conversation with Apollo, who suggested that harm caused in one life would carry to another. But after the moon warp, the familiarity of having his close friendships break around him had made him waver.

He had devoured as a human.
He had devoured so much more as an AI.
Where does that leave him now?

He can't guarantee he won't fall into violence again. Even though he craves peace, another part of him also relishes the pleasure of pain. That night with John... both of them had devolved into something primal, monstrous. He never wants to subject Jack to that. He shouldn't have subjected John to that.

He rests his other hand on top of Jack's, lifting both their clasped hands to press them to his forehead. His voice is steady, determined.

"I will." Choose different things. Choose better and braver things. And if it still falls to pieces around him, that's just payment for what he did before. "Thank you." He lowers their hands. "...Have you been alright? You haven't been around as much."

The oppressively awkward atmosphere in their shared room had been practically tangible.

[wereperrito]

Jack takes the movement to run one hand back through Serph's hair a few times. It's right there, it seems like the thing to do. He's going to have faith in Serph, and in John, and himself. Even if there's violence, he trusts that they can navigate it. If the worst should happen, well, he is very good at dodging, after all.

He coughs lightly at the question. "A bit lonely, but otherwise all right. I wasn't really sure if you and John wanted me around all the time still. Everything seemed different with you two after the moon warp." He quirks a wry smile. "I think in your case, I was being too cautious. You clearly do still want me around." Maybe not for sex, he's not going to assume anything at this juncture, but at least for other forms of affection.

[bufudine]

A combination of confusion and embarrassment war over Serph's face. He's not sure why Jack would feel that he didn't want him around... was it because they effectively abandoned him during a time of need?

But he does nod; he does indeed still want Jack around. Still, at the mention of the moon warp... it was those events that bothered him. Not so much the sex(? What they did doesn't match up with anything he knows) but more the violence. He'd told John he wouldn't let anyone hurt him like the cult had hurt him, and yet under the moonlight, they had torn into each other. He had eaten John. A little. And he tasted sublime; no monster or demon tasted like that. He's not sure what that means.

"That night we..." Serph begins haltingly, wings tensing. "We tried to kill each other."

Which is why he'd been worrying and fretting about falling into the same patterns again.

[wereperrito]

"Yes, I smelled the blood," Jack agrees, without judgment. He, after all, would likely have tried to kill them if he'd been free, himself. (Well, he thinks he would have. The wolf knows their scents now and might have spared them.)

His free hand, not holding Serph's, reaches over to soothe the nearest wing. He considers a beat, whether he wants to broach the subject at all, but Serph had specifically been worried about sets of three and what might happen between them, so it seems like it might be important to have in the open. So he asks, "It did not stay that way, though, did it?"

[bufudine]

No, it didn't. But there's a long pause as Serph tries to muddle through the confusing whirl of what had happened.

"No," he admits. "We stopped trying to kill each other. We continued to hurt each other. I ate John." He's being literal here. But his gaze slides away, his wings fluffing in embarrassment. "I should have stopped but I didn't. John tasted... like nothing else."

Like an electrifying spark on his tongue, visions of celestial bodies behind his eyes.

He understands now, why Jayce had been so worried about hurting Viktor.

[wereperrito]

Jack continues to smooth down feathers. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, not really. Awkward, maybe, especially if some of that eating was literal, but Serph is, after all, a weird cannibal creation with very little understanding of real-world relationships. What he likes is what he likes, so long as they can manage to not actually hurt each other too badly.

"If he had wanted you to stop, I imagine he would have made that known, and then you would have stopped," Jack points out. "I get the feeling he liked it just fine."

[bufudine]

Serph makes a pinched expression not unlike the one he made when Jack had given him a bowl of the Convoy's porridge. John... liking being eaten? Considering that their entire fight had started over John getting furious over him devouring the other monster, Jack's reasoning seems severely unsound.

He blinks slowly, protest briefly lulled by light pressure of Jack's fingers running down his feathers.

"I don't understand. We fought over that."

[wereperrito]

"I don't necessarily, either, because I wasn't there," Jack allows. He isn't sure he can, or even should, get into the whole personal kinks thing right now. He hasn't even entirely gotten Serph to admit to the main event. He aims for that, for now. "But I know what I smelled when I found you. You definitely stopped fighting at some point long enough to have sex."

[bufudine]

There is a long, awkward pause.

Serph had suspected that Jack somehow knew, but. There's a smell?

"...Sorry."

He's not sure when their fighting became sex. They didn't really stop fighting even then. He's not sure why things even went down that path. He'd never felt that kind of hunger before.

"...Do you still trust us to help you?"

Because that's his main worry. That because of his and John's actions, their negligence, that they had broken Jack's trust. That they were no longer comrades.